Ask an Amateur

I want to end things with my girlfriend. What’s the least painful way to do so? I’ve personally never broken up with someone, but trust me, I’m an expert. Some of the most foolproof options are: Have your mom email her mom. Say it with a song; ideally “I Gotta Go My Own Way” from…

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Local Freshman Self-Diagnosed With Senioritis

After a long, harrowing first year of high school, sources confirmed last week that Fairfield Warde freshman Nick Grillo has diagnosed himself with senioritis. “Ugh, I think I have senioritis,” groaned the fourteen-year-old to his stand partner in concert orchestra upon remembering that he had to memorize a two octave C major scale for an upcoming…

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13 Reasons Why: Why Not?

The new Netflix television show 13 Reasons Why is by no means a pleasant show to watch. After all, the plot revolves around a teenage girl committing suicide and leaving behind a series of cassette tapes that explain how a group of people and the series of events that they caused played a role in her…

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