You’re too Dumb to Enjoy Christmas Music

Dear Warde Students,

After the, admittedly unwanted, Carillon performance shown to students on December 15th, it has come to our attention that many of the upperclassmen in attendance appreciated the music and musical spectacles. This is a reminder from the Board of Education and Choir Department in conjunction that your enjoyment of the holiday show is not allowed or warranted on the grounds of Fairfield Warde High School. As the message has been relayed out to the general public twice now, the show is “not made for you all” and all admiration is strictly discouraged.

Because Warde’s population is not sophisticated enough to value the art of glorified screaming and finger fiddling, Carillon should, and can, only be relished by true musical connoisseurs, audiophiles, Mozart, and Santa himself. As our glorious principal stated prior to the showing, this performance was not intended to happen, and after the poor behavior from last year’s underclassmen in combination with this year’s lessened IQ, we can only infer that this will be the final Carillon for the student body until further notice. In following years to come, only those who can pass a musical literacy test can join the festivities for the school year. Alternatively, if you are John Mayer, your entrance is permitted (please come back we need the publicity).

With all that being said, we hope that next time you think about acknowledging the musical talents of teenagers at Fairfield Warde High School, you think again and, kindly, “zone out.” Hopefully, we do not see you next time!

Go Warde!

Leave a comment

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.