Blur


Today when I walked out of math class, I carried two things with me–1) back pain and 2) an insurmountable amount of guilt. It may be hard to believe, but all two of those things are connected, and if you’ve ever taken a math course at this high school, you […]

The Things We Carried… Paper


With the new school year comes changes, and this one has rocked Warde to its core. No, not the stricter hall pass legislation—something far more sinister: ratemystudents.com.   You’ve heard of the infamous ratemyteachers.com. Well, this is its student counterpart. Usage skyrocketed once class lists were published. The site features […]

Rate my…Student?


If you’ve seen our superintendent, Mr. Testani, recently, you’ve likely noticed a man under some serious stress. He’s witnessed something troubling. And if you’re wondering what, well—you’re a part of it.   This fall, grades at Fairfield Warde High School are tanking, and fast. But no, it’s not just senioritis. […]

Fumbling Grades



The acceptance bell is a newfound tradition for Warde seniors where they ring it to celebrate their most enviable accomplishment: leaving high school. However, in between bouts of senioritis (i.e. when they’re actually in the building), some have decided to ring the bell for what they are actually most proud […]

What Gets You in a Bell-Ringing Mood?



Imagine waking up one morning, rising along with the sun, feeling a warm breeze run along your face. You feel content, fulfilled, and even…happy? However, once you pick up your phone, you find yourself drowning in messages from friends, classmates, and even random strangers sliding into your DMs. Obviously you’re […]

Confessions of a Warde Mewing Victim




I’m frustrated. We’ve been in school for months, and yet I still see people not following the proper hallway etiquette. So for everyone who’s being doing it wrong, here is EXACTLY what you should be doing when walking to class to make sure everyone thinks you’re the coolest kid ever. […]

How to Walk (Hallway Edition)


Despite the constant diatribes against the quality of high school cafeteria food, there are a breadth of different quality food options available in the Fairfield Warde High School cafeteria. While this may not seem to be the case when investigating the pizza, it becomes evident when you visit the deli […]

Give it a Chance: The Cafeteria



Dear administrators,    Hear me out.   We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all students are created equal, that they are endowed by their peers with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty, and the pursuit of passing grades.    Tests are lonely and let’s be […]

Why Friendship Cancels Out Cheating


A spectre is haunting Fairfield—the spectre of hallpasses.    The powers that control all rules and regulations at Fairfield Warde High School exercise their authority upon the common folk of our three houses each and everyday, and while their efforts to create a prosperous union between the three houses is […]

The Hallpass Manifesto


Fairfield Warde High School, it’s that time of year. The leaves have descended from the branches, peppermint has replaced pumpkin spice, football has replaced studying, and Noah Kahan has infected the radio. Fall’s denouement has arrived and with that, the season of winter has begun. Winter is a very conflicting […]

Skate



Dear Warde Students, After the, admittedly unwanted, Carillon performance shown to students on December 15th, it has come to our attention that many of the upperclassmen in attendance appreciated the music and musical spectacles. This is a reminder from the Board of Education and Choir Department in conjunction that your […]

You’re too Dumb to Enjoy Christmas Music



*Some names have been REDACTED for the safety of the author*   Last week, I went to [REDACTED] teachers’ classroom with the intention of asking for extra help in [REDACTED] class. To my surprise, I instead saw a secret meeting between the three class presidents outside of the very public, […]

The Big Lie