The American people have a certain melancholy disposition to our primarily two-party system. While some cling to the values of their party like a moth to light, others distance themselves like a vampire from an Italian restaurant. For the rest of the population, declaring a political party waters down individual […]
Blur
Recently, Warde has experienced a surge in anonymous online TIPS concerning supposed ghosts haunting the building. These fearful complaints tell tales of ghastly moans, unprompted screams, and bone-chilling whispers coming from empty hallways after school hours. Upon a thorough investigation by Warde Focus’s top psychics and ghostbusters, the rumored spirits […]
Ghosts Reportedly Haunting School After Hours; Actually AMSTUD Students
It a shocking recent report, many of Fairfield Warde High School’s deepest technology secrets were revealed. One of the most significant findings explains why there never seem to be enough logon servers available at one time to support a single class. Apparently, Warde’s logon servers hold daily meetings to ensure […]
Logon Servers Conspire Against Fairfield Warde
Last Thursday, Security Director Paula was fired for leaving the Fairfield Warde campus. That day, Paula came into school in the morning to make sure all the doors were locked after students arrived at the usual time. During lunch wave 1, security camera footage shows her looking through her purse […]
Paula Fired for Leaving Warde’s Closed Campus
The most recent school concert saw a familiar occurrence in the FWHS music department. While introducing the night’s musical selections, all of the music teachers were seemingly unaware of the total of 27 working microphones surrounding them. Although all of our music teachers are well-versed in both breath control and […]
INCREDIBLE: Music Teacher Surrounded By 27 Microphones Decides to Scream ...
Drama students across Warde are frantically preparing for this year’s spring musical, Into the Woods, however stress is high as this year marks an important anniversary. As the curtains open on May 4th, the famed “Brown Box” will be making its 40th play appearance at Warde. Credited as being one […]
Brown Wooden Box Makes Its 40th Musical Debut in “Into ...
After the fourth Nor’Easter made its way to Fairfield, CT, it seemed pretty much set in stone: there will no longer be warm weather in Connecticut. Just under 2 weeks after the start of spring, we were greeted with a lovely dusting of snow that sent citizens of Fairfield into […]
Fairfield Warde High School Students Decide That There Will Never ...
After a bad breakup with the student community, the Warde Senior Lounge is ready to get back out there. It has decided that it has had long enough of a break, and it’s time to let love back in. The lounge had recently seen a commercial for Match.com that asked, […]
Warde Senior Lounge Creates Match.com Profile to Try and Find ...
Fairfield Warde seniors, after being accepted to their top colleges, have decided that there is no more point in coming to school. “I just don’t see the purpose anymore,” Bari Lipper, a senior, remarked. “Obviously we’ve already learned everything if colleges have accepted us already. What good are these last […]
Hit with Senioritis, Seniors Begin Planning Senior Skip Month
The school devolved into chaos as the “phone-free day” deprived hundreds of students of their vital lifeline to the outside world and their Instagram accounts. The day began with some withdrawal symptoms amongst some of the student body, but the desperation spread as people realized they couldn’t keep up their […]