Frisbee Fiasco

The game of frisbee is one adored by people all over the world. Invented in our very own state of Connecticut, the small plastic disc can be thrown around for hours on end without a dull moment to be found. It truly is a piece of technology ahead of its time. However, although the beloved disc is quite a simple invention, it has quickly become the source for outrage and disgust within our favorite Fairfield high school. This hatred stems from a spontaneous game of “Kan Jam” played by a handful of students in their “Physical Education” class on October 24th, 2022. A “game” would be a stretch, if I could say so myself, as few points were scored in the 40 minutes that I presided over the game. The objective of the game is to hit or land a frisbee in a little can, as the game’s title suggests. However, an active member of the game (whose name I will redact for safety and privacy reasons) stated: “It almost hit me in the head every time!” Now, It is not too hard to infer that if a playful saucer should come close to knocking out a teenage boy who could only be described as “unnecessarily tall”, and not a flimsy plastic can of 20 inches, something must be wrong.

Following the inconclusive match, a spectator possessing strong emotions on the matter muttered that “these members of the Warde High School community have no right to tarnish Connecticut’s discus pride.” 

Many agree with this spectator’s sentiment. Not only has a call to suspend these students been arranged for proposal to the Board Of Education, but a GoFundMe petition has arisen with more than 2,000 signatures to create a course curriculum at the Fairfield Public Schools to better educate our seemingly naive youth in the art of the disc. Due to public outrage, a frisbee strike has occurred in the town’s fields and courts, as the student body refuses to risk playing their favorite sport with classmates until action is taken by the higher-ups. A student involved in the original game reported: “I take much shame in my actions and I am sincerely remorseful for the pain I have caused around town”.

And boy, has pain been caused. The “Moms of Fairfield” Facebook page has seen a striking revitalization over the matter. Now, you know you’re in deep trouble when the Facebook mothers are getting involved. A quote attributed to the mother of a freshman proclaims, “I don’t mean to sound radical, but this school system has failed my child and the only feasible measure is to pull my sweet boy out of his classes and enroll him in another school”. The mother has decided to keep her child at Fairfield Warde (as the Ludlowe Frisbee epidemic is far more severe) but she lives in fear that her child will be solicited to play a game of frisbee and will not be adequately prepared. 

While I am no frisbee expert by any means, I can agree with the sentiment that the art of “the flick of the wrist” has been lost in the Nutmeg State. If you are a parent, student, or even a Warde alumnus, you must listen up. As proven by a mere handful of students (I simply could not call them “athletes” at this point), the disc is in danger. Vote upon the petition. It is time to decide if you will help these children to rediscover the game of frisbee, or let this fundamental part of society be forgotten, allowing thousands of other Mustangs-to-be to fall into a similar pit of humiliation, despair, and tragedy.

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