The American people have a certain melancholy disposition to our primarily two-party system. While some cling to the values of their party like a moth to light, others distance themselves like a vampire from an Italian restaurant. For the rest of the population, declaring a political party waters down individual […]

A Modest Proposal: The Two Party System


Recently, Warde has experienced a surge in anonymous online TIPS concerning supposed ghosts haunting the building. These fearful complaints tell tales of ghastly moans, unprompted screams, and bone-chilling whispers coming from empty hallways after school hours. Upon a thorough investigation by Warde Focus’s top psychics and ghostbusters, the rumored spirits […]

Ghosts Reportedly Haunting School After Hours; Actually AMSTUD Students


It a shocking recent report, many of Fairfield Warde High School’s deepest technology secrets were revealed. One of the most significant findings explains why there never seem to be enough logon servers available at one time to support a single class. Apparently, Warde’s logon servers hold daily meetings to ensure […]

Logon Servers Conspire Against Fairfield Warde



Last Thursday, Security Director Paula was fired for leaving the Fairfield Warde campus. That day, Paula came into school in the morning to make sure all the doors were locked after students arrived at the usual time. During lunch wave 1, security camera footage shows her looking through her purse […]

Paula Fired for Leaving Warde’s Closed Campus


The most recent school concert saw a familiar occurrence in the FWHS music department. While introducing the night’s musical selections, all of the music teachers were seemingly unaware of the total of 27 working microphones surrounding them. Although all of our music teachers are well-versed in both breath control and […]

INCREDIBLE: Music Teacher Surrounded By 27 Microphones Decides to Scream ...


Drama students across Warde are frantically preparing for this year’s spring musical, Into the Woods, however stress is high as this year marks an important anniversary. As the curtains open on May 4th, the famed “Brown Box” will be making its 40th play appearance at Warde. Credited as being one […]

Brown Wooden Box Makes Its 40th Musical Debut in “Into ...



There is often a common sentiment expressed by high school students when it comes to making a difference: “Yeah, but what could I actually do?” The #NeverAgain movement is changing that. Inspired by the actions of high school students from Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in Parkland, Florida where a […]

Editorial: Why Student Protest is so Valuable


Most of members of the FWHS student body and faculty have heard by now something or other about the #NeverAgain Movement brewing in the halls, as the student walkout occurred only days ago. There are many opinions about the organization: some positive, some negative, some neutral, and most of them […]

#NeverAgain Movement at Fairfield Warde High School


After the fourth Nor’Easter made its way to Fairfield, CT, it seemed pretty much set in stone: there will no longer be warm weather in Connecticut. Just under 2 weeks after the start of spring, we were greeted with a lovely dusting of snow that sent citizens of Fairfield into […]

Fairfield Warde High School Students Decide That There Will Never ...



After a bad breakup with the student community, the Warde Senior Lounge is ready to get back out there. It has decided that it has had long enough of a break, and it’s time to let love back in. The lounge had recently seen a commercial for Match.com that asked, […]

Warde Senior Lounge Creates Match.com Profile to Try and Find ...