The Secret Garden Returns to Warde and with it…Cholera?

Popular children’s book The Secret Garden features a young child, Mary, whose parents die suddenly from cholera. Due to the upbeat nature of the novel, it was later made into a musical, and now it’s scheduled to be performed this spring by Warde’s theater department. However, its opening date of Friday is now in danger due to a wave of cholera spreading throughout its cast!

The first cast member (who will from now on be referred to simply as “Patient Zero”) was diagnosed with cholera a week ago, and after quarantining her in the green room, cast members assumed that the worst had passed… nope. That same cast member (who has asked to remain anonymous) left her Stanley cup lying around, prompting someone to steal it, only to get infected once they drank the contaminated liquid inside.

“I don’t know what I did,” said Patient Zero, who gave this interview wearing a crumpled-up leftover mask from the bygone COVID days. “I just filled my water bottle using the water fountain by the gym. It tasted a little metallic of course, but that’s pretty normal for Warde. I never would have guessed I’d get cholera!”

After throwing away the contaminated Stanley cup (since the incineration attempt failed), rehearsals went on as usual. However, when another cast member rushed out of the rehearsal room to vomit in a nearby bucket, it became clear that cholera had struck once again.

“It makes sense,” said another anonymous actor. “The person who got it said the m-word in the auditorium!”

For those who don’t know, the ‘m-word’ is ‘Macbeth,’ a term said to bring bad luck to anyone who says it in a theater.
Not wanting to cause another outbreak, rehearsals for The Secret Garden have been on hiatus since the last known diagnosis, causing cast members to become increasingly anxious as opening night draws closer.

One of the female leads confessed, “Honestly, I’m not sure what’s worse, the uncertainty of when rehearsals will start again or enduring tech week.” (A week before the performance when actors run the show in its entirety every day to prepare for the upcoming performance.)

Another lead commented, “I’ve been making my parents buy bottled water for the past month to avoid the school’s water. I don’t care if it’s bad for the environment, but I read somewhere (…TikTok) that cholera thrives in unsanitary bodies of water.”

Patient Zero is currently seeking medical care and should be back on their feet soon. Barring any more complications, the cast of The Secret Garden hopes to see you in the audience on May 3rd, 4th, and 5th!

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