The Hallpass Manifesto

A spectre is haunting Fairfield—the spectre of hallpasses. 


The powers that control all rules and regulations at Fairfield Warde High School exercise their authority upon the common folk of our three houses each and everyday, and while their efforts to create a prosperous union between the three houses is typically commendable and a worthwhile effort, their recent implementations on the community only acts as a the straw that will break the mustangs back. The enactment of lanyard hallpasses is a direct blow to the student population, freshman, senior and all in-between.


“The history of all hitherto existing” highschool is the history of class struggle. Every scholar that has attended this establishment, whether proclaimed as Warde, Andrew Warde, or Fairfield, has possessed the innate and naturally human need to exit the premises of class and make use of the facilities. It is an action that is necessary if the student would like to stay focused on whatever subject is being taught, however mind numbing it may be. In prior and previous years, the bathroom was a simple, given, and unalienable right to all children of taxpayers in the town. “Why wouldn’t it be?” one might ask. Well, after years of build up, it has become evident that that infrangible concept has been stripped away, like the wool off the sheep’s back. Like the apple from its mother tree. How has collective society allowed us to reach this fever pitch? To not see this total alienation would be ignorant. Does the common man not remember the open door policy in the year 2021? Which was a practice that exposed the student’s private lavatory to the open halls? We must not forget that this rule is still in place and active. Then again, in 2022, the enforcement of the “two at a time” laws that restricted usage of any facility outside of the classroom to two people at the current moment. These two brazen and inequitable acts that clearly perpetuate the students, dare I say, “god given” rights. In today’s current day and age, a lanyard is required to even step foot inside a water closet, let alone outside the classroom. Boundaries are being set within the highschool and newly built walls are breaking down the community. It should be noted that each house’s lanyard is color coded to the respective sector of the school. Fitts being black, Townsend being white, and Pequot being red. Not only does this create physical boundaries between comrades, but perpetuates stereotypes and will inevitably culminate in harassment and a rise in house shaming culture. Lets say, strictly hypothetically, a student in Pequot is exiting their homeroom and has illegally crossed the border into the Townsend hallway. When this student is caught by an authority, not only will shame be placed on their name and transcript, but they will permanently blemish the reputation of all Pequotians. Oh the misery they will endure when those of Fitts hear about this! Can one even imagine!


It cannot be ignored too, that the lanyards being enforced are presumably never cleaned and, unless they are stolen, never replaced. Who knows how many musty mustang hands have clenched the string. How many unwashed pockets has my math class hall pass had to sit in? Simply a vile concept to think about and if you agree, I urge you to consider my points, then promptly dispel this image from your mind (not to say it is not already cursed).  


Warde Students, as the 2022 play ironically taught us, here at Warde, “It is a privilege to pee”. We (the people) are witnessing a time unprecedented, unlike any other before. Three houses but one school, it’s about time we rise up against the oppressors who flush away our right to the water closet.

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