BLUR: Warde Focus Vanishes, Not One Person Cares

In a truly tragic story, it appears that Warde’s beloved student run newspaper, The Focus, has vanished. The Focus was last seen on April 1st, a stunning (insert how much time has passed between April 1st and whenever these lazy editors finally get out a paper) between issues. Without the reliable beacon of journalism, the United Kingdom catastrophically Brexited, Harambe died for our sins (Author’s note: Harambe jokes were funny when this article was initially written. I cannot guarantee the success of this joke as it is impossible to predict when this article is finally published), and Donald Trump became our President Elect. Coincidences? Yes. But still, the competency of the editorial board is an embarrassment to the Fairfield Warde community. Students and staff are not happy. “I never read the paper anyway,” one furious student told a Focus reporter struggling to find their next meal. “Oh, really?” commented a teacher caressing a shovel who wished to remain anonymous. “What’s a newspaper?” a visibly frustrated freshman questioned. “The newspaper sucks. We don’t need you,” a disheartened Mr. Ebling wrote the Focus editorial board in a plea to put out another issue. It is clear the students and faculty of Fairfield Warde desperately want The Focus to return to its tradition of publishing mediocre content that has no real impact on the world in any meaningful way.

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