Warde Student Recovers from Calling English Teacher “Mom”

The greatest fear facing the incoming freshman class each year remains to be students calling their English teacher “mom”. In the new social landscape of high school, the mom-slip is a common reputation ruiner, a catastrophic calamity that could be whispered about until the 25-year reunion. 

Danny Statton is unfortunately familiar with this fearful faux pas. As Statton stood to leave his first-period English class last Monday, his foggy morning brain, exhausted from playing COD until 1:30 am and fatigued from the 7:45 am Socratic seminar he forgot to prepare for, betrayed him. “It all just happened so fast,” he shared. “I didn’t have time to cover it up with a ‘Mrs.’ or cough or anything.” The dreaded mom-drop occurred just as he was walking out the door. “Luckily, I could escape into the hallway super quick,” Statton recalls, but not before he heard the laughter of his classmates behind him. 

His embarrassment was not unfounded. In a survey conducted by The Warde Focus, 5 in 8 Freshmen believe “calling your teacher mom” to be the leading cause of stress in first-year English classes, followed closely by “tying your shoes in the hallway” and “waving to someone who doesn’t wave back.” 

Statton approached the Warde Focus to share his story of perseverance in returning to the classroom and his advice on how to overcome such a feared predicament. He’s what he has to share:

“Firstly, you gotta get out of the site of the scene quick,” Statton remarked. A hasty escape may prove favorable, as the faux pas could be forgotten by the end of the day. “It’s like, it’s out there, you know? You can’t take it back, but you can run. That’s your best bet.” But hoping it will be out of anyone’s mind by the next class is a gamble you can’t always afford to take. 

Statton believes the next step is self-preservation. Statton advises posting an Instagram picture of you and your friend with the caption “chillin with my moms,” followed by updating the Urban Dictionary definition of’ ‘Mom’ and ‘Momma’ to ‘Homies.’ If executed in a timely manner, you may appear to be publicizing a new trend, garnering definitive social credit currency. “You gotta own it,” shared Statton. 

Ultimately, Statton recommends maintaining a breezy demeanor throughout the aftershock. He remarked, “Honestly, it’s not the end of the world. It just feels like it in the moment. But I got through it. And you can too.”

This article was originally published in the December 2021 print issue of The Warde Focus Volume XVII, Issue 1.

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