Carillon Cancelled

After years of students being forced to go to the monotonous, dull holiday music event known as “Carillon,” it has finally been discontinued. While a handful of students expressed disappointment that they would not be able to miss parts of class next Friday, the overall reaction was relief.

According to various orchestra students, the issue was with the band. “They just weren’t prepared enough. It would have been a total mess,” said one violist (for those of you who aren’t lame, a viola is basically a lower, less relevant violin).

“It’s really for the best,” another orchestra student added. “If the band had gotten it together earlier and hadn’t sounded totally awful during rehearsal, maybe things would be different, but I think everyone’s glad to hear that Carillon is no longer a thing.”

However, the band students tended to blame the choir for Carillon’s ending. “With Mrs. Verney-Fink not here, the students just weren’t putting in the necessary work. Their tone was terrible,” said a student who plays an instrument that sounds like a screaming goat. Meanwhile, the chorus cites the orchestra as the reason for the cancellation of the concert since it was not keeping its timing on any group pieces.

For students outside of the music department, no more Carillon means no more shortened classes on the Friday before winter break. On the upside, it also means no more sitting through a light show that seems like it’s trying to induce a seizure, and some kids on a stage playing instruments, and a random person less than a foot away singing off-beat.

“The worst part is when the choir kids go down the aisles to sing, and they’re like, right next to you, and both of you are trying not to make eye contact,” a student shuddered. “I’m grateful I’ll never have to suffer through that again.”

Is there a downside? “Frankly, I can’t think of a single thing,” said a music tech student, thankful they won’t have to run up and down the wire-ridden aisles to deliver a glow stick mid-show. “It’s about time for a change.”

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