Emily Green


I want to end things with my girlfriend. What’s the least painful way to do so? I’ve personally never broken up with someone, but trust me, I’m an expert. Some of the most foolproof options are: Have your mom email her mom. Say it with a song; ideally “I Gotta […]

Ask an Amateur


After a long, harrowing first year of high school, sources confirmed last week that Fairfield Warde freshman Nick Grillo has diagnosed himself with senioritis. “Ugh, I think I have senioritis,” groaned the fourteen-year-old to his stand partner in concert orchestra upon remembering that he had to memorize a two octave C […]

Local Freshman Self-Diagnosed With Senioritis