It a shocking recent report, many of Fairfield Warde High School’s deepest technology secrets were revealed. One of the most significant findings explains why there never seem to be enough logon servers available at one time to support a single class. Apparently, Warde’s logon servers hold daily meetings to ensure […]
Emily Green
I want to end things with my girlfriend. What’s the least painful way to do so? I’ve personally never broken up with someone, but trust me, I’m an expert. Some of the most foolproof options are: Have your mom email her mom. Say it with a song; ideally “I Gotta […]
Ask an Amateur
After a long, harrowing first year of high school, sources confirmed last week that Fairfield Warde freshman Nick Grillo has diagnosed himself with senioritis. “Ugh, I think I have senioritis,” groaned the fourteen-year-old to his stand partner in concert orchestra upon remembering that he had to memorize a two octave C […]
Local Freshman Self-Diagnosed With Senioritis
With just a few weeks left in the calendar year, one question has been coming up again and again: was 2016 the worst year ever? Some optimists have attempted to point out other bad years in the history of humankind, but 2016 just has it all. For example, the unrelenting […]