All School Assembly Introduction: A New Play

ACT I The lights come up on a blank stage, all is dark but a single spotlight pointed at the leading player, MR. EBLING. He is dressed in a formal suit with a 13″ top hat. He carries a wooden cane with an eagle engraved on the handle. He steps forward and addresses the audience….

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A Modest Proposal: The Two Party System

The American people have a certain melancholy disposition to our primarily two-party system. While some cling to the values of their party like a moth to light, others distance themselves like a vampire from an Italian restaurant. For the rest of the population, declaring a political party waters down individual opinions to those of the…

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Ghosts Reportedly Haunting School After Hours; Actually AMSTUD Students

Recently, Warde has experienced a surge in anonymous online TIPS concerning supposed ghosts haunting the building. These fearful complaints tell tales of ghastly moans, unprompted screams, and bone-chilling whispers coming from empty hallways after school hours. Upon a thorough investigation by Warde Focus’s top psychics and ghostbusters, the rumored spirits have been confirmed to be…

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Music Teacher Surrounded By 27 Microphones Decides to Scream Opening Remarks at Audience Instead

The most recent school concert saw a familiar occurrence in the FWHS music department. While introducing the night’s musical selections, all of the music teachers were seemingly unaware of the total of 27 working microphones surrounding them. Although all of our music teachers are well-versed in both breath control and diaphragm control, the microphones surrounding…

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The Role Causing Our Students to Have a Cow

With the marking period winding down and the fall play a distant memory, theater students at Warde are scrambling to prepare for their spring musical auditions. The musical, Sondheim’s Into The Woods, features many strong, desirable roles. Everyone from Cinderella to Little Red Riding Hood makes an appearance in the show, however one role has…

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The New Solar Panels Are All We’ve Ever Wanted

Here at Fairfield Warde High School we are constantly striving to improve our learning environment and enhance the student experience. Now more than ever before, we have revamped our building to better accommodate the most common complaints of our student body. One of the most common grievances we get from students is that our parking lot…

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